Monthly Archives: August 2010

How to Survive Coffee Shop Drive Throughs (2nd of a series)

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2nd installment

By now, you should be pretty proficient at ordering any size of black coffee or coffee with cream and sugar. What if you want more than a black coffee or just cream and sugar?

In Canada, we have special terms for getting more than one cream and sugar in your coffee. Let’s start with “double double”.

Any Canadian who’s worth his or her coffee knows what a “double double” is. To those of you who are new to Canada or not from Canada or haven’t been through the Canadian coffee experience, a double double is a coffee with two shots of creams and two spoons of sugar in it. For clarity, some drive through denizens say “double cream, double sugar”. Also acceptable are: “two-by-two”, and of course, the obvious “two cream and two sugar”.

A slight variation on the double double is the “double single” (two creams, one sugar) and the “single double” (one cream, two sugar).

In the spirit of following trends, a “triple triple” will get you a coffee with three creams and three sugars; saying “three-by-three” will get you the same effect, as will simply saying the obvious “three cream, three sugar” or “triple cream, triple sugar”.

Now, there are more permutations: “triple-single”, “triple-double”, “single-triple”, and “double-triple”. You just need to make sure you say these very clearly and be sure of what you’re saying, because you could easily confuse the order taker, the coffee assembler, and yourself.

As a warning, Canadians don’t like using very long words, so nobody orders a “quadruple-quadruple”. Don’t even try it if you don’t want to get laughed at or have the order taker say “what? could you repeat your order please” or some such embarrassing question. Simply ask for a “four-by-four” or a “four cream, four sugar”.

For other combinations, stick with what is clear and simple: five-by-five, five cream, two sugar; two cream, six sugar; triple cream, four sugar; and so on. I’m sure you get the idea.

more to come….

The Arrogance of Nations

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When a nation thinks itself above other nations, I consider that arrogance borne of ignorance. History has proven this time and again.

Western civilization thought itself the center of the world, ignorant of the existence of life anywhere else on earth. As a result, when nations of the west “discovered” the existence of Eastern cultures, they dubbed the new cultures as inferior to theirs–simply because they could not understand those cultures. Yet, they forget that the very seeds of Western civilization began in the East, often referred to as the birthplace of Western civilization. Long before Western civilization had any claim to being “civilized” Eastern cultures had developed sophisticated societies with social structures and technology that was alien to the Western world. It was from the East that Westerners acquired the wheel, gunpowder, silk, spices and perfumes, numbers, and the alphabet.

Despite the wealth of culture, technology and knowledge the Eastern world had, the West had no end to the derogatory terms they created to describe Easterners. Little did they know that Eastern cultures had their own derogatory terms for Westerners, as well.

The wars between nations were the weapons of arrogance–one nation believing itself superior to its neighbour and attacking it, or overpowering its neighbour to become superior over another neighbour.

In the dark ages, Medieval Europe, in its arrogance, marched upon the Muslim countries in the East to purge the land of infidels. Little did they know that they were seen as infidels as well, by the Muslims.

In the Middle Ages and throughout the Renaissance, the powers of England, France and Spain constantly battled through bloody war, treachery and treason to gain supremacy over Europe.

In the 16th through the 18th centuries, the powers of the Western world expanded their horizons in a race to conquer the rest of the unknown world–but only from their narrow perspective. It was a race to conquer and acquire more lands to prove and maintain their supremacy until there were no more new lands to be found and conquered.

In the 20th century, the Germans attempted to gain world supremacy through the ruthless and unconscionable leadership of a man who thought he was a God and his race superior to all.

Throughout the 20th century, the fight for supremacy continued–among Middle Eastern nations, among Eastern European nations, among Asian nations, Among African nations.

This arrogance of nations is imprinted upon its people–or is it the arrogance of people that shapes the arrogance of nations? Nations are, after all, run by people, made up of people. A nation’s policy and practice is determined by its leaders, supposedly following the will of the people–or acting in the best interest of its people. Does this mean then, that all men are arrogant? Or are nations run only according to the wishes of the powerful and wealthy who control the nations? Surely, the man on the street does not wish to go to war or acquire another country when his main concern is to feed, clothe and educate his children?

Probably the last time every member of any nation had a vote on whether or not to go to war was when nations nations were small tribes concerned about protecting their own or wanting land where they could find better food. Once nations grew in size, the common man lost his voice and only the powerful and outspoken were heard–who may well have been the greedy and arrogant, as well.

Greed breeds a strong desire for wealth and power, and if this is the basic nature of any nation’s leaders, then we are indeed in poor hands. The greedy tend to be blind to those who have little or nothing to offer. They step on others to get their way and ignore what they don’t understand. Anything that seems like a threat or tries to get in their way, they destroy. The more wealth and power they acquire, the more arrogant they become. And the more arrogant and righteous they are, the more the world is doomed to repeat the cycle of history–of discovery, of conquest, of dominance, of destruction. The more we are doomed to suffer from the arrogance to nations.

The Official Coffee Shop Drive-Through Survival Guide (Or, How to order coffee in Canada)

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1st of several installments

So, you want a coffee and you want to get it in a drive-through because you’re in hurry. Here are some facts and tips that will help you get through that drive-through within 60 seconds or less, from the time you place your order to the time you drive away with your coffee.

If you want to make sure you get what you want in the coffee you order when in Canada, say exactly what you want to be on the safe side. But if you want to sound like you know your way around Canada and its coffee shops, then you will have to learn the right lingo.

Coffee in the average Canadian coffee shop (think Tim Hortons) is always brewed, so it’s pointless to ask for brewed coffee.

Coffee is black. If you want it black, say “black”. If you don’t want anything else in it, just say “black”. If you don’t want cream or sugar, just say “black”. Don’t say “regular”, because that means “cream and sugar”. Don’t say “no sugar” if you don’t want sugar. Just say what you want, never what you don’t want. Anything you say might sound like you’re ordering it, especially since the antiquated speakers and headsets are not always the clearest and best way to communicate. Many drive-through orders become confusing because of people saying what they don’t want, rather than what they want:

“black no sugar” can actually sound like “black one sugar” on a staticky headset; “cream, no sugar” might sound just like “cream n’sugar” or “cream one sugar”

I can’t stress it enough: help yourself and help the order taker and the coffee assembler by saying ONLY WHAT YOU WANT. IF YOU DON’T WANT SUGAR, DON’T EVEN MENTION IT!!!

Coffee comes in four sizes: small, medium, large, and extra large. For best results, mention the size you want before anything else. That’s because whoever makes your coffee grabs the cup before making the coffee. It saves a couple of seconds so that by the time you’re done ordering, your coffee will be ready at the window.

“I’d like a small black, please.”

“May I have a medium black?”

“One large black, please.”

“Extra large black, please.”

The moment your coffee assembler (the person who makes your coffee) hears the size, he or she grabs the cup of the right size then quickly pours black coffee, if your order is black. If you don’t say the size first, for instance, you say “black coffee please”, you lose precious seconds while the order taker asks you what size and the assembler waits, hand hovering above the cups, trying to predict what size you want.

It’s okay not to say you’re ordering coffee, because it’s a coffee shop anyway and the main product is brewed coffee. If you’re ordering something else, like tea or hot cappuccinos or cold drinks, then you need to mention what the drink is.

If you want more than one coffee, you should also say so at the start of your order. That way, the coffee maker can set up the correct number and sizes of cups and prepare your coffee as you are ordering it and fill several cups in a matter of seconds. It is quite annoying for the assembler to start making an order that he or she thinks is a single coffee and finish that, only to find out that there are two or three more drinks following.

Some of the most frustrating orders taken:

“Black coffee, please” (assembler’s hand hovers over cups)

“What size would you like your coffee?”

“Oh, medium…(assembler grabs medium cup and immediately starts pouring)…no, make that a large…” (assembler grabs a large cup,  fills that and covers the cup with a lid)…

“Would you like a Boston Creme with that?”

“No. By the way, can you make that two large?”

“Of course. How would you like your second coffee?”

“Just black….(assembler is pouring)….no, make that a single-single…(assembler stops pouring, adds one cream and one sugar, then finishes pouring, stirring coffee as it is poured)…and make it with milk, please. (assembler shakes head, throws hands up in air, then starts all over again with a new cup)…

If you want something in your coffee, you normally ask for cream or sugar, or both. The “regular” order, naturally, is cream and sugar in your coffee. To order, say “I’d like a medium regular, please” or “May I have a small cream and sugar?” You will also be understood if you say “One large single-single, please.” To say “One extra large coffee with one cream and one sugar, please” is also acceptable, but wastes time. Less words said, less time wasted. Also, less chances for your order to be made wrong. Remember, everything else you say might confuse the order taker.

(more to follow)