Debating with myself for years
Undecided until the final moment
That you would graduate from 12th grade.
Another huge milestone in a year when you
made several: Halifax, New York, your 18th birthday.
How can I tell you, dear son, how proud I am of you
Of your accomplishments, your skills, your talents
Your intelligence, your character.
I wanted to share this moment with you
As much as a million other moments that I missed
But wanting you to be comfortable, relaxed
at such a grand day was more important to me
Than my desire to be with you
I stayed away.
As I have stayed away
If only to let you find yourself
Learn for yourself, decide for yourself
Some truths about life
I only hope that you have found
The right mentors, the right models
To guide you when I could not
To listen when I was unable
To cheer you on
Remind you of the lessons I taught you
As you were growing up and very young
Before you were taken away from me
Body, mind, spirit
Heart of my heart,
blood of my blood
body of my body
My wound opens anew
each time I think of you
No less painful than the day I lost you
and my blood pours out in tears
and in silence
I congratulate you.
© Cindy Lapeña, 2014