Twisted Tales: A BEDTIME STORY


CHORUS:   Once upon a time ago

though really not so long, you know

A father dear his daughter neared

To ask why she was all in tears

FATHER:   Oh daughter dear, I fear, I fear

To know why you are all in tears

Is it because of nightmares dark

Where monsters roam and wyverns hark?

DAUGHTER: Oh Father dear, ’tis none you fear,

No nightmares dark nor monsters here

I simply miss my bedtime tale

But then alas, poor mother’s pale

FATHER:   Fear not, my dear! My darling girl,

Your father’s here to make you twirl,

A tale you say is what you want?

Well, listen to your father’s cant!

DAUGHTER: Oh Father dear, I fear, I fear

I shall not be awake to hear

Your tale of fun, excitement too

Because so suddenly I’m pooped.

FATHER:   Now, let me see, what have we here —

There’s love would interest you, dear

If you would only settle down

Then we can start our jaunt till dawn!

CHORUS:   Oh woe betide the little lass

Her father would not let it pass

He settled her in her small bed

And himself sat beside her head

And thence commenced to spin and weave

And weave and spin — while lassie grieved!

FATHER:   Once upon a time ago,

though not so long ago, you know,

perhaps a hundred years or more,

north of the middle and south of north…

DAUGHTER: I wish, dear Father you’d stop all that

It’s getting my brain all muddled up!

FATHER:   Patience, my dear, it’s a virtue as well,

More so as it helps this tale I tell:

There lived a young lad, a Montague

Romeo the name to which he grew

There lived nearby a Capulet,

The fairest maiden called Juliet.

CHORUS:   And night by night young Romeo hid

In the Capulet’s prickly flower bed

And neath the window lit above

Recited verses to his love

ROMEO:    O tender goddess, heaven’s choice

With eyes of wine and an angel’s voice

And features divine for all to view

My love, my love, if only you knew

I’d climb every mountain and ford every sea

Through snowstorms and hailstorms, beside you I’ll be

I’d brave every flame-breathing dragon that lived

My life-blood in battle, to you I shall give

But soft, a light through yonder window breaks!

Now I shall die!  While my poor love awakes!

CHORUS:   Oh Romeo, Romeo, poor Romeo flees

The minute his love, his Juliet he sees

He dives behind the prickly rose bushes

And fervently there he makes his wishes

And lo and behold! What wonder of wonders!

Who else should appear but his fairy godmother!

Now Romeo being a bashful lad

Was not exactly extremely glad

In fact poor Romeo was quite perturbed

When his reverie by this fairy was rudely disturbed

This fairy, however, was all eager and out

And wanted to help her poor godson about

At last the lad’s mind had settled quite

As his godmother went to setting things right.

FAIRY GODMOTHER:  Now Romeo, lad, my godson, heed

You must win your lady with haste, with speed

You must hie hither on your faithful steed

And slay a dragon — oh, of any breed!

You must brave the dragon’s fiery breath

And hack him and slash him to his gruesome death

And when that’s done, why nothing else matters

But to bring his head back on a silver platter!

CHORUS:   Now Romeo, poor boy was all distressed,

This fairy was ancient, or haven’t you guessed?

All dragons by then, red, blue and gold

Had all been slain, so the stories told.

ROMEO:    Oh godmother dear, a fairy you are

But you must have been sleeping in a magic jar

We could travel for ages and seek far and wide

And never once even see a dragon’s hide

King Arthur’s knights slayed all those beasts

And laid out their heads in their great feasts

I am afraid, godmother dear

In the 17th century no dragons are here.

FAIRY GODMOTHER:  Then we must try another plan, young fella,

I’ll bother you to remember poor Cinderella

She found her Prince Charming at a ball

And lost her glass slipper when midnight tolled

If we only could get your darling’s shoe

Then no more at her window would you need to woo

Now just you wait, and sit silent there

While I go and fetch the shoe she wears.

CHORUS:   So Romeo sat, in the bushes he stayed

While the kind old fairy, her devious plan played

She hurried off to the Capulet’s ball

And waited for Juliet’s shoe to fall

But fall it didn’t so she had to steal

That pretty shoe from that pretty heel.

With her treasure she rushed to her anxious lad

Who, spying the shoe, was this time quite glad!

This time around, the window beheld

A Romeo beneath, as a shoe he held

And Juliet appeared at her balcony

Thus appeasing a bit his agony

And Juliet cried at the young boy’s sight

But stifled surprise and squealed in delight.

JULIET:   My shoe, how did you get hold of it?

I lost it earlier in a two-step beat!

I don’t know you, I think, or maybe I do

Are you my Prince Charming — come to bring back my shoe?

Oh please, say you are my lover true

And I’ll be sworn my love, forever to you!

CHORUS:   So Romeo and Juliet did finally meet

And naturally, of course, they were very sweet

Until two women should in the room sail

The Lady Capulet, and the Nurse at her tail

Both elders were certainly horrified

To see a man at Juliet’s side

It was a scandal, then, you know

For a man to see a lady’s toes

The Lady Capulet then declared

War on the Montagues, for all they dared

She bundled the lassie and off she was sent

To the local nunnery, her sins to repent.

Poor Romeo, lad, was again quite distressed

So set after the fairy, her error to redress

With sword unsheathed and in almost a rage

He swore to get even, in petty rampage

The fairy was not in the least bit sore

And in fact offered to help him some more.

FAIRY GODMOTHER:  Now Romeo, lad don’t be so rash

If you killed me now, you’d also be trash

Now listen carefully, and try to recall

Snow White, the dwarves, witch, apple and all

Should Juliet have an apple as well

Then she’d be dead for all to tell

ROMEO:    Fie, witch! You know that if Juliet died

You would very soon lay at her side!

FAIRY GODMOTHER:  Ah, Romeo lad, don’t you remember?

Her death would be but endless slumber

Until her true love, you, should kiss

Her and wake her to unending bliss!

And in their joy, the Capulets

Will let you marry her just yet.

Just let me find that trusty potion

Before your head gets other notions.

CHORUS:   And so the fairy gave Juliet

The tainted apple, and so she slept

While all her family did so weep

Not knowing that it was but a deep sleep

And on a dais, in gloomy tomb

They left poor Juliet to her doom

And there young Romeo, with dreams of bliss

Did try to wake her with a kiss and a kiss

And again with a kiss, as a lover true

And again a kiss, till his lips were blue

But never once did she open her eyes

The fairy was wrong again, as you can surmise!

Quite puzzled, the fairy examined her bag

And found that she had mixed up her tags

The potion with which she put Juliet to sleep

Was the recipe for a hundred years’ sleep

Like Princess Aurora, she was doomed to be

Known as another sleeping beauty.

Still, Romeo had not quite lost all hope

With a hundred years he knew he could cope

So brave and willing, he grabbed a flask

And downed the potion, an easy task

The fairy had not the time to complain

Though she tried to stop him, all in vain.

FAIRY GODMOTHER:  Oh, Romeo, Romeo, poor godson, my lad

The potion you took, was not what she had

The potion you took came from a Prince

Who has hopped on four feet ever since!

FATHER:   Poor Romeo, Romeo, it could be seen

That his skin had turned a froggy green

DAUGHTER: Oh, Father, please let me finish your story

Because, I fear, you’ll turn it all gory.

I know the fairy put Romeo to sleep

For a hundred years, in that tomb so deep

And when Juliet woke with that frog beside her

She kissed it awake, and had Romeo forever!

Oh, Father dear, your story I feared

Was the wildest tale I’ve heard, and weird

But this, for you, I’ll say, though late,

Your imagination is quite great!

CHORUS:   So daughter then did sleep at last

While father tucked her in and fast

And getting off her bed, you hear him say

“I liked it too!”  then hop away.




© Cindy Lapeña, 2013


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