365 Things to Look Forward to – Number 7: Making a New Friend

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7. Making a New Friend

I have always considered myself a fairly shy and introverted person, and I always felt that I had difficulty making new friends. I’m the one who’ll attend an event–perhaps and workshop, lecture or seminar, or even an exhibit, and just move around on my own without knowing anyone at the start, and leaving without knowing anyone! I just sometimes get so intimidated by people, especially in crowds.

It’s a reflection of my being so self-conscious, I suppose. I never really consciously have thoughts running through my head, like “Will he/she like me?” “Will they talk to me?” “Will they want to be friends?” “What will they think of me?” and so on, but I’m pretty sure that’s how my body feels, and that’s probably what every single brain cell in my head is thinking. But they don’t tell me about it. They don’t speak out aloud to me. I rather wish they would, then I’d be able to process the feelings. But they just silently think away and make me avoid contact.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to make new friends. If you looked at my Facebook page and checked out my friends, you’d see over a thousand, and the list grows a little more each day. I’d like to think they’re all friends, but a Facebook goes, they’re really all people I’ve met in various occasions over the last several years of my life—pretty much from childhood friends to colleagues. The vast majority of them, really, are former students of mine. And I’m really happy that I’m connected to them through Facebook, and see what significant things are happening in their lives.

If you really counted them, I’d have a fairly good number of friends whom I communicate with occasionally. Most of them were made through work, or in school. Still, they’re not all friends who’d understand my little quirks and foibles and my wry dry sardonic humor…in fact some of my really good friends still don’t get my humor, sometimes. But those I have spent the most time with and who know me enough to figure out what I feel and what I’d say or think about some things most of the time, are a very select number of people who are now mostly halfway around the world. And the only way I can communicate with them constantly—or at least as frequently as I can given the 12-hour time difference, is through email, Facebook messages, and the occasional live chat.

So when I do creep out of my shell (oh yes, there is a shell, but it seems to have gotten more transparent) and say “Hello, I’m Cindy!” to someone, it’s because my guts tell me that person can be a friend, or would be interesting to know, or would be nice to speak with. It’s also because I’m in a totally new country where I am starting a whole new life thousands of miles away from old friends, family, and acquaintances, and I need to start making new connections and building new relationships.

I think, if we don’t go out of our way to say “Hi! I’m —. What’s your name?” we’ll never make any friends at all. Who knows what’s beyond that chance meeting? And if the other person doesn’t respond the way you hope they might, then you don’t really lose anything, do you?

I was so afraid of being rejected by people, that I suppose, that was the major reason I didn’t go out of my way to make the first introduction. But after having been a teacher, mentor, manager, actor, dancer, emcee, and so many other roles that require constant communication and initiative, as well as a certain amount of aggression and loads of confidence, I’m really quite confident in my ability to step up to someone and say “Hi! I’m Cindy. What’s your name?” I’m not worried about rejection anymore, since I’ve experienced quite a bit of it in very painful ways, and I’m still alive and still have lots of things going for me, and I know I can be a wonderful friend to others, if they’re interested in having me as a friend. So if I feel there’s a particular person who could be friendly in return (yes, I do play safe and just don’t go up to anyone on the street!) in a situation that isn’t threatening, I might just go up and say “Hi, I’m Cindy. What’s your name?” and start looking for areas of interest or things to talk about besides the weather, and the weather as well.

I just did today, and I think it’ll be the start of a wonderful new friendship!

365 Things to Look Forward to: Number 6 – Performing!

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6. Performing.

Okay. Let’s face it. Not everybody might look forward to performing. But really, everyone does some kind of performance at one time or another, some more often than others.

Most people think performing is just getting up on stage and acting or singing or dancing. Already, that’s 3 kinds of performances! When you’re really into it, there’s nothing like the thrill of getting ready for a performance…sure, the rehearsals might be difficult and you might be getting it perfect during rehearsals…but actually performing to an audience, live or otherwise, is a special kind of thrill. If you’re new to it, you’ll probably rehearse over and over again in front of a mirror, psych yourself into facing the audience, then experiencing that fluttery feeling in your belly, and sometimes that empty, sinking feeling when your belly feels like it’ll sink right through you to the floor. Then your hands get clammy and your throat tightens up. Sometimes you get all sweaty and it just won’t stop pouring down your face and back. That can be a very uncomfortable feeling. It’s usually called stage fright. And some people never get over stage fright.

Some people, on the other hand, take to stages like fish to water. No matter what they’re doing on stage, whether they’re performing, making an announcement, delivering a speech, they look like the perfect picture of a suave seasoned stage artist. They move into their act smoothly, maintain contact with their audience, and just get carried into it.

I know that I always wait for the response of the audience when I perform…when I hear any response, especially some kind of emotional response, I know my performance is working. And when I finally hear applause at the end, that is the sweetest most triumphant sound I glory in, because I know my performance is a success! It can get addictive, but it doesn’t mean you don’t go through that little bit of pre-performance nervousness. I know that, after all these years of acting, dancing, and speaking on a stage, I can go right up there without feeling nervous at all. Public speaking? Pooh. Folk dance? Just give me the right music. Acting? Anytime. As a student, I had joined so many spelling bees and speech contests that it has practically become second nature to me. As a teacher, on any given day, I can go up to the front, or side, or back of any classroom and get speaking on almost any topic you might give me…or at least begin a dialogue on anything, if I don’t know what I’m talking about.

I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that I haven’t made performing my life’s calling. I’m still too self-conscious and introverted to flaunt my performance skills or offer them unless I’m asked. But those who know me and have seen me perform know what I do and can do when I am given the platform.

I think the greatest performances of my life have been in the classroom. If I could reproduce those days when I’d have a class completely attentive or rolling in laughter at what I do, I’d have had it made as a stand-up comedian. Step aside Patrick Ledwell, Cindy Lapeña is on a roll! But no, it’ll never happen because, unless I have to do it, I won’t, again I repeat, won’t volunteer. Someone will have to volunteer me. I hardly ever say no.

365 Things to Look Forward to: Number 5 – Watching a Play

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5. Watching a Play.

I am substituting for a Grade 5 teacher today, the 9th of June 2011, and the Vice Principal gave me a really pleasant surprise as she walked me to my classroom. The 5th and 6th graders had put up a production of Hairspray and were doing a dress rehearsal/special performance for the first half of the morning, with 2nd graders as an audience.

I have always loved theatre–thanks to the exposure I got from my mother–but also because it must be in my genes. My maternal grandfather was a thespian, as is one of my paternal aunts. I also have a special place for musicals in my heart and imagine I could have done that, if my mother, in her contrary way, would have let me become a thespian. She actually considered the profession immoral in a very old-fashioned way.

Theatre, to me as a child, was a magical world that took me away from what would otherwise have been the very drab, introverted world of a nerdy bespectacled bookworm. It not only transported me into the world of my books, it came alive for me so that I didn’t need to stage elaborate and full productions of books in my head.

Whenever possible, my mother would obtain tickets to a play so we could watch it–and while not very frequent, it happened enough times that I remember. The most affordable plays were done by a local repertory company with plays staged in Filipino. I know I learned how to speak and understand Filipino better because of those plays. Plays done by the leading English repertory theatre company were a little too costly, so we got to watch these only once in a rare while. So it was a glorious treat when I became related to that company by virtue of marriage. I was able to watch every play I wanted to as often as I wanted to, and so rarely ever missed one. Then, I worked with this company, as well as another theatre company based in the Cultural Centre of the Philippines, so I had the time of my life!

With every play I watched, I drank in every scene, every song, every detail. I couldn’t get enough of just  watching plays as a child, so I started looking for plays to read. By the time I was done reading every single children’s book in the collections we grew up with, I needed more to satisfy my craving and discovered my dad’s Classics Club collection–and encountered my first complete collection of the works of William Shakespeare!

I never just read plays. In my mind, I became a director, designer, and actress. I could see the play running through my mind, complete with sets, lights, costumes and sound effects, with characters speaking as if they were standing right before me. My secret desire was to be a famous thespian–it didn’t matter if I wasn’t the star, as I was painfully self-conscious as a child. I could be the director, the designer, even the playwright. Anything, as long as I was part of the play. And if I couldn’t be part of it, well then, the next best thing was to watch it!

And so, as I watch a grade school production of Hairspray I am drawn back to the world of my dreams. I only wish live theatre as entertainment were much more affordable. But you can bet that when I get that full-time job that provides me with enough income for all the basics and more to spare, and enough downtime so my evenings and weekends don’t have to be spent working, I will be at the theatre, sitting somewhere in the middle or near the back where I can get a good look at the whole stage and be transported into an alternate reality!

The Problem with Praise (or, My Case Against ‘Perfect’)

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As a substitute teacher, I have observed teachers, especially in the elementary school level, lavish words of praise on students for nearly everything they say or do. I have heard showers of “excellent!” and “perfect!” and “great job” more often than anything else, even if the answer or action was not truly excellent or perfect or great.

Do these people know what these words mean? Mr. Webster will tell us that “excellent” means of exceptional quality, something superior to others, something that, to be redundant, “excels” — stands out over all others. Synonyms for “perfect” include flawless, faultless, without error, with no room for improvement. “Great” also means esceptional, superior, above the rest, excellent.

Now I ask: How often does one come across “excellent” and “perfect” everyday? And is every effort or action a “great job”? If this were truly the case, then teaching in schools would be the perfect job and practically effortless. Teachers would actually become redundant, if students were all as “excellent” and “perfect” and alsways doing a “great job” as often as I hear it said.

I think teachers need to expand their vocabularies in the praise department. in the same way we encourage students to find other words for “good,” “nice,” “okay,” and “so-so”, we need to find other words to express praise or approval. There are so many I can think of: awesome, wonderful, well-organized, colourful, attractive, well done, good work, nice technique, energetic, nice try, good effort, and so on and so forth. We should be more accurate with the praise we give so that students do not get the wrong impression — that their work is truly excellent or perfect, when it isn’t.

If students always receive the praise that they are doing “excellent” or “perfect”, does this ever reflect in their marks? Do we give them excellent or perfect marks to match the praise we lavish on a daily basis? How do we explain to students, when we release their report cards or return their papers with less-than-perfect marks, that their work is actually less than perfect? How do we explain to parents, after they see the “excellent,” “perfect” and “great job” comments on schoolwork, that their children’s final marks aren’t anywhere near the excellent, perfect and great job comments received on their children’s homework, projects, and other schoolwork?

Such is the incongruity between unqualified praise and reality. If we tell students they are excellent, they will think they are better than everyone else. That certainly isn’t a bad thing, thinking one is better than everyone else, but it tends to create social disparity and a tendency to think one really is better than anyone else. Which may not be the case, developing a superiority complex as opposed to confidence. If we tell them that their work is excellent, then they will not have any motivation to improve on the work, because it already is excellent, and better than any other work done in class.

If we tell students they are “perfect” or what they do is “perfect,” they might develop the belief that there is nothing more for them to improve, that they know everything, and that everything they do is right.

If we tell students they are always doing a “great job” they might just as likely not bother to try doing a better job, simply because they’re already doing a great job.

Some teachers might rationalize that they shouldn’t give negative comments. Indeed, calling students bad, lazy, stupid, idiotic, poor, slow, and other such negative terms is not only derogatory; it is labeling them with negative words that tend to stick and that reinforce negative behaviour. But calling some students excellent, perfect, or great is also labeling, which tends to stick as well, and helps feed egos that, in all likelihood, do not need that kind of pampering.

What’s wrong with simply saying “correct” or “right” if the answer is correct or right? And if a student tries but doesn’t quite get the answer, saying “perfect” or “good job” then seeking another answer from someone else contradicts the praise, because there should be no other answer, since the first answer was already perfect.

How many ways can we provide praise without going overboard? I have compiled a list of several words that can be used alone or in phrases that teachers can use to express praise. You can also, most certainly, come up with your own set of words, or mix and match what is in the list to suit different occasions. Note that some words will work in either list.

I will add to this list as I remember words of praise that suit various classroom situations, and I will also greatly appreciate your suggestions of words that can be added to this list.

A Praise Vocabulary for Teachers, Tutors, Parents and Leaders

Words to praise work

  1. accurate
  2. analytical
  3. attractive
  4. brief
  5. clear
  6. colourful
  7. comprehensive
  8. concise
  9. correct
  10. creative
  11. descriptive
  12. entertaining
  13. evocative
  14. exact
  15. good examples
  16. good reasoning
  17. good word choice
  18. grammatical
  19. illustrative
  20. inspiring
  21. interesting
  22. logical
  23. makes sense
  24. neat
  25. organized
  26. original
  27. pithy
  28. precise
  29. prompt
  30. resourceful
  31. sensible
  32. timely
  33. useful
  34. well-researched
  35. well-written
  36. wide vocabulary
Words to praise action or behaviour
  1. active
  2. affirmative
  3. audible
  4. attentive
  5. careful
  6. clear
  7. controlled
  8. cooperative
  9. coordinated
  10. creative
  11. effective
  12. encouraging
  13. energetic
  14. fair
  15. good initiative
  16. good projection
  17. good sharing
  18. graceful
  19. helpful
  20. inspirational
  21. inspiring
  22. motivated
  23. observant
  24. participative
  25. practical
  26. precise
  27. prompt
  28. quick
  29. reasonable
  30. respectful
  31. responsible
  32. responsive
  33. restrained
  34. rhythmic
  35. shows leadership
  36. supportive
  37. team work
  38. timely
  39. vocal
  40. well-behaved
  41. well-executed

365 Things to Look Forward to: Number 4 – Early Bedtime!

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4. Going to bed earlier than usual.

I am a night owl and notorious for staying up very very late. This gets worse when I am caught up in a painting or writing frenzy. And it is absolutely disastrous when I get a really early phone call in the morning–early as in before the sun rises, or shortly after–which means I feel groggy all day long. When that happens, I do my best to sleep in the day after…as long as I don’t have anywhere important to go (like work or an appointment), but somehow, it just doesn’t seem enough. So once in an extremely rare while, I chuck everything, turn the TV off (I’m glad the major show seasons are over, and there evenings when there really isn’t anything I really want to watch), and turn in early.

On nights like that, I don’t even touch the books on my nightstand. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I switch off my bedside lamp, pull the sheets up to my chin, and close my eyes. Now mind you, some nights are near tortuous because even with that ceremony done, my overactive mind just keeps on tossing thoughts about clamoring for attention. On those nights, I end up sleeping at my usual later hours–or worse, not getting any real sleep at all. But on other nights, within seconds of  tucking myself in, I am blissfully unaware of anything and everything around me, as I fall into the deepest possible sleep.

That’s what happened last night, which is why I’m only posting Number 4 today!!!!

365 Things to Look Forward to: Number 3 – A walk on a pleasant day

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3.  A walk on a pleasant day.

One of the things I do look forward to is taking a walk on a pleasant day. There is nothing like the gentle warmth of the sun caressing you while a mild breeze keeps your hair away from your face. Or mine, because I have long hair. But the breeze in your hair and on your skin keeps you cool as you walk.

Because I cannot take long or brisk walks, I am forced to walk at a slower pace than most people, with occasional pauses or periods of slowing down to almost a crawl. But, precisely because of this, I am able to luxuriate in the wind, enjoy the sunshine and see the little things that most people miss.

I love watching butterflies winging their way to flowers, birds squabbling on grassy lawns, the leaves of clover and other weeds intricately woven into lush green lawns after a rainy day. I see the minute lines and creases in the barks of trees,  how all leaves on a tree are practically all the same, save for some stray vein or creased corner or different-colored spot.

I see the cracks and lines in the pavement, tiny ant hills and ant holes loosening the red earth into separate grains, insects and other creatures with unknown names and unknown number of legs scurrying, crawling, slithering, or slinking their way across your path.

I see the rich red earth, uncountable stones and pebbles and clods of soil, variations of red, maroon, brown and black…and then again, mainly red.

I see clouds in all kinds of shapes and formations. Herringbone, sheep, cotton buds and stretched cotton, spirals and lines, rows and clumps, massive towering blobs of shaving cream  and fluffy bits of foam and fiber. Solid waves or sheets or cushioned.

Only some of the things I savour on a stroll on a pleasant day.

365 Things to Look Forward to

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2. Sunshine!

There’s nothing like a bright, sunny day to lift your spirits. And if you can’t have a bright sunny day, there’s nothing like a bit of sunshine to lighten your day and your mood. Even on a cloudy day, I bask in the glory of one feeble ray of sunshine pushing its way through heavy clouds just to reach me. I turn my face to the stream of energy-giving light and smile. Even during winters, I love waking up to see sunshine streaming through my window blinds. It’s the best reason to pull up the blinds and let the sunshine in!

This is one of the reasons I love PEI—lots of sunshine, even in winter. It’s not likely anyone living on this island will get SADD.

Today is one such wonderful day! We hear of rain and cloudy days and storms and hurricanes and hail elsewhere, and we have sunshine! Of course, the last couple of days were cloudy and rainy, but that didn’t mean we didn’t get even a wee bit of sunshine. And after those few short stretches of gray skies, we get beautiful clear and sunny skies!

Never mind that it’s summer in spurts. I call it those random days of summer. Pretty much like those random days of spring. Even the trees were confused because they didn’t know if winter was finally over and it was time to bud! So the leaves came late this year…well into April, as opposed to as early February and March last year…and summer seems to be a hesitant visitor, not having decided whether or not to stay the while. Still, we get glorious random days of double digits…today is a sunny but single-digit day…so we alternate between tank tops, shorts, sandals and denims, running shoes, spring jackets.

And we wonder if Summer will finally arrive when Fall is here. But enjoy the sunshine in the meantime!

P.S. Don’t forget your sunscreen and sunglasses.

 

365 Things to Look Forward to

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I am such a manic writer and have a hard time sitting down and making myself write except when it is a specific project or job that has to be done. I have also told myself time and again to sit down and write every day…which was the idea that started this whole blog. Hence, I have come up with several ideas, among them my coffee shop guide, to keep me writing and writing and writing, to keep the creative juices flowing, and that to-do and how-to about disciplining yourself as a writer. The result? I am still a manic writer as far as creative writing is concerned.

But that does not stop me from writing, no sirree. So here I am, with another attempt at creative writing, with the object of actually completing my list of 365 things to look forward to in 365 days.

You might think today is an odd day to begin—what is so special about the 4th of June? Nothing really, and everything, actually. It is the day I am beginning another writing project, and, with the determination, persistence, and buoyancy that has kept me going all these years, the day I look forward to wrapping up my list in 2013!

So, here goes nothing and everything and all the little things in between.

Why did I pick things to look forward to? These are the little things that keep me going each day…and perhaps the same things keep other people going from day to day. Some people might call it a “thankful” list–Carol Burnett picked up the idea of a daily “thankfuls” list from Beverly Sills–3 things to be thankful for each night, before going to bed. It’s the same thing as a “grateful” list…things to be grateful for. And I must add that it’s also a “count your blessings list.” But these are things that are already there, or that have happened. These look back. I want to look forward.

I want to look forward to things that might happen, or that might never happen, but when they do happen, they become things that you are thankful for.

I want to look forward because I am the eternal optimist, no matter how pessimistic I might seem at times, because I seem to like to think of the worst possible things that could happen and prepare for those…and when they don’t happen, everything is glorious in comparison!

I want to look forward because those things give me hope.

I want to look forward because it keeps me from dwelling and wallowing in the past, even if it’s a pastime I sometimes indulge in, especially when I’m having a bad day.

I want to look forward because the future has millions of possibilities, as opposed to the past, which is all history and can’t be changed.

I want to look forward because it means another day of living! What can be better than that? Which most certainly must be my Number 1 thing to look forward to, so here goes.

1.  Look forward to a new day.

What better thing is there to look forward to than a new day? It means another day of living, another day of life, another day that you have to accomplish what you want. Another day to do things you want to do, or need to do.  A new day to let you finish something you weren’t able to complete. A new day to let you look back and see if there are amends to make or plans to make. Read a few more pages of that book, try a new recipe, clean the spare bedroom, wipe that smudge off the mirror, write a letter, send a card.

Another day to open your eyes to, no matter what time in the day, and see the sky, no matter the colour, breathe the air, no matter the odour. A new day so you know the world still exists, the earth is there, life is outside your window or your door, waiting for you to decide what you want to do.

Another day to think, breathe, feel. Another day to see people you want to see, and maybe people you don’t want to, but you’ll see them anyway–or at least, you’ll have another day to avoid them!  A new day to let you go to someone and say you’re sorry or you forgive them. A new day to let someone you know how much you love him or her. A new day to reach out and touch someone’s life.

A new day to express yourself.  A new day to try something new or savour something you like. A new day to celebrate life and being alive, even if you have to claw yourself through, one miserable inch at a time. A new day to try and get ahead from where you left off yesterday. A new day to try to learn something new. A new day to make yourself a little better than yesterday.

most recent art work

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The Official Coffee Shop Drive-Through Survival Guide (Or, How to order coffee in Canada) 4

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Welcome back, expert coffee orderers! You should have lots of experience now to your credit, giving easy-to-follow, clear coffee orders. Remember, order right if you want to get your coffee (or tea) right.

But you don’t always just order coffee or tea, do you? If you want to add cold drinks or other orders to your coffee or tea order, that shouldn’t be a problem. Say what you want very clearly, and be specific.

One of the most popular cold drinks you can get is the iced cappucino or “ice capp” for short. Here in Canada, people start ordering ice capps the moment the sun comes out regardless of the season. Yes, people do order ice capps in winter, but that’s not really what we’re discussing.

There are specific ways you can make sure your ice capp order is right. For instance, don’t just say “I’d like an ice capp.” Ice capps come several variations, starting with size. There are small, medium, and large ice capps. So you should say “I’d like a SMALL ice capp,” if that is what you want.

The second variation is the ice capp base: regular ice capps are made with cream. If you find cream too heavy or rich or fatty, you can have your ice capp made with milk. Most coffee shop milk will be 2% or 1% milk. Either way, it’s much lighter than cream. Your third option will be ice capps made with chocolate milk, if you prefer a chocolate milkshake-y type of drink. Let’s say you just want a regular ice capp with cream, then you don’t have to specify the base. It’s that easy. On the other hand, if you want a different base, you can say “I’d like a SMALL ice capp made with MILK” or “I’d like a SMALL ice capp made with CHOCOLATE MILK.”

But wait, it isn’t over yet. You still have more choices, if you want them.

You can have just a regular ice capp, or you can have an ice capp supreme. An ice capp supreme has a flavour shot, whipped cream topping and chocolate or caramel syrup drizzle. So you can order “a butter small caramel ice capp supreme” or “a small mint ice capp supreme.” Other basic flavours are french vanilla, hazelnut, and mocha. The seasonal flavours, so far,  include vanilla spice, almond, gingerbread spice, and pumpkin spice.

If all you want in your ice capp is an added flavour shot, just say “I’d like a small mint ice capp made with milk” or “I’d like a small butter caramel ice capp made with chocolate milk.” Add the word “supreme” if you want the whipped cream topping and syrup drizzle. All supreme ice capps get chocolate syrup drizzle EXCEPT the butter caramel ice capp, which gets caramel syrup drizzle. If you’d rather have one than the other, say so.

You can also get a regular ice capp topped with just whipped cream, without the flavour. Just order “a small ice capp with whipped cream, please.”

As with your hot drinks, ordering “three ice capps, one with milk, one with whipped cream, one with a mint shot” is a very confusing order. It sounds like you’re ordering 6 ice capps in all. Remember, the order taker doesn’t care how many ice capps you order in all, unless they’re all the same: “I’d like three medium ice capps made with milk.” If each order is different, place each order separately to avoid any confusion: “I’d like a medium ice capp made with milk, a small ice capp topped with whipped cream, and a small mint ice capp.”

Oh, and please don’t forget to say “please” and “thank you.” It’s just basic good manners, but it also makes the work more pleasant for those taking and making your orders.